Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Learn how to forgive yourself

We forgive many people in our whole life for many inflictions they inflict on us.  Some people, of course, always look for revenge that obviously escalates the tension between the two parties.  As a matter of fact, to take a path of reconciliation is always better and advisable. But when it comes to forgive yourself, it is seen that we become a miser. Mostly, when we are in seclusion, we ponder about our past misdeeds, about our shortcomings and failure and about our inability to achieve anything laudable and these all negative feelings causing unnecessary ripples in our mind.  These negativities make us so much gloomy that we lose our concentration and focus to accomplish the jobs in our hand. Negativity crops up in our mind for past mistakes may not have any consequences for the present moment, but still we are bothered about the same.  This is a natural human tendency.  More surprisingly, some of these past mistakes are of a minor nature and some others are like a mountain making you crestfallen. Again, some are ego-driven, which make you impulsive in your behavior and put you in an embarrassing situation when you make further mistakes.  For example, if you are a good performer in the office, your colleagues will try to let you down and take credits of your performance whenever a chance arises.  In this game of office politics, if you become agitated and involve yourself in an argument, you may commit a mistake or resign from the job. Instead of  getting directly involved in agitating others, if you just ignore the  whole situation and forgive yourself for not making the issue acrimonious, perhaps you will become happier. In the same way, when you walk out of a relationship or a social bonding or you decide to leave a joint family or you fail to extend your help to a person just to keep your ulterior motive intact, often you get perplexed of your these decisions.  The reason is that you are not able to control your mind, which  provokes you  to think whether your action is right or wrong. In this mental tug-of-war, you curse and not able to forgive yourself.

In everyday conversation often people say, “Oh God! I have made a blunder,” or “I should  have not taken this faulty decision,” or “I should have visited the airport long back to catch the flight, which I have missed.”  When you blame yourself and you do the same as a regular habit, it becomes a chronic happening in your life. But if you  analyze, you will find these decisions for which you shoulder the responsibility, is not at all your fault. Because of certain reasons, you might have taken a wrong decision, or you might have missed some goals, but that was the best option for you at that time.  Because of traffic congestion, you had missed the flight.  No doubt, you have caused losses, but blaming yourself is not going to help anyway.  In our society, there are people with high self-esteem who also commit mistakes and not able to achieve the desired goals, but do not accept their shortcomings because they are confident that they are right.  The only difference is that because  their erroneous action causes suffering for others. These people are so much egocentric that unless they are confronted, they don’t accept their mistakes. 

Mostly, we are not able to recognize the after effects of our actions on our dear and near ones.  These also intensify unhappiness and in the process, our tenacity to do wrong things increases more. For example, when you are not mentally relaxed and calm, your wrong calculations in your job may cost your job.  When you are tense, your undue comments will develop a bitter relationship, even with your  bosom.

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Our past misdeeds haunt us when we are in seclusion and these happen mostly through ignorance, hastiness, foolishness, arrogance and stupidity. When you fail to judge other people, misunderstand their feelings, hurt them wrongly, become extra smart to dodge them for trivial issues and become jealous of their achievement, you invite trouble for yourself.  Many people do these types of wrongdoings and then repent and then curse themselves.  If you avoid this type of situation, there is no question of wallowing in self-pity.  It is true that people who are very egoistic with extraordinary confidence level, never admit their weakness. They always blame others.  These people apparently show their smartness, but they are the most sufferers.  One thing is very sure that every wrongdoing invites negative outcome.  One cannot get rid of their negativities happened in the past, but recollecting the same and blaming yourself is like wasting the precious moment of the present situation. You can see all things in a positive light provided you shed your ego and learn from your mistakes.  Every mistake must be considered as a lesson and an eye opener for your progress in life.  

You can forget and forgive yourself in three ways.   Firstly, after making the error, whether by mistake or deliberately, if you find out the root cause and understand the same, then the same is Karmic. And your intention is clear. Non-egoistic actions are known as Karmic.  Secondly, you should not blame yourself for the mistakes done by others.  Supposed, you have given advice, but the same is not adhered to, then you should not accept the mistake done by the other person.  Thirdly, if you are able to forgive others for their errors and wrongdoings, then you will be able to forgive yourself also.   When you practice this creed minutely, it will be easier for you not to reminisce for the past mistakes and happenings. It is preferred to learn the technique to forgive yourself for a peaceful journey in life.

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