People must know how to behave with children

Parents always complain of the idiosyncrasies and irrational attitude of their children. Needless to say, despite their love for them, many times, they find difficult to tolerate their children. Many parents show their frustration openly and whine away their  impertinent behavior. Some parents react strongly and take strict disciplinary measures only to find that their children become more incorrigible and adamant in their demeanor. They murmur, saying that these children  cannot do anything in their lives and their future looks to be gloomy. But they seldom find anything wrong with their own pattern of behavior and introspect their dealing with children. They also accuse the youth generation. They are not able to realize the fact that  maintaining a smooth relationship with the children invariably begin with the parents.  If they show attachment to the feeling of children, appreciate their needs, praise in public whenever they do commendable jobs and reprimand them in close door, then they do not have to mumble about children’s behavior.

Since, most of the  parents are not aware how they should treat their children intellectually with perfection and the constant pressures exerted by them on their children, they virtually snatch their freedom. And in the long run, such unilateral behavior of the parents will make their children adamant.  The most important fact is not to correct the children, but to change the emotional behavior of the parents itself.  To every child, their parents are the most adorable figures; they learn, emulate and follow every aspect of their lives from their parents only and so, the parents must be very careful in their own behavior.  They have to take all necessary steps to straighten their relationship with their children.  The parents must study their inherent weakness and make a correction of the same and watch the repercussion of the same psychologically with the traits of their children.  In this way, they can develop and increase the confidence of their children and they will be more attached to their parents and share their feelings.  When the children take their parents as friends, the relationship will become very healthy. In a healthy relationship, there will be no bitterness and the parents will also not have grievances of children’s unruly behavior, because that will not happen mostly.

Parents must understand the emotional and psychological need of children. In the adolescent stage, children’s minds are very soft and amenable and if the parents exert their force on their tenderness, the results will  desultory. Children are mostly prone to grasp anything from the influence of their external world. The power of grasping knowledge will be very high at birth and slowly the same power will be diminished as the age grows.  And when a person becomes very aged, this power simply vanishes. This is one of the reasons why young generations absorb any technologies, inventions, studies, trends, fashions, ideas and ideologies faster than the older people. Because when you become old, your receptivity becomes slow and so, your grasping power becomes less effective. This disparity in absorption between the old and the young is known as a generation gap.  Hence, the older people or the parents in particular, see this world, feel the happenings of the world and observe the various activities altogether in a different manner as compared to the younger people, particularly children.

: 2 :

The incongruity between the older and the younger generation with respect to thoughts, its analysis, implement and taking action are completely an asymmetrical and hence, there will be an argument, altercation, confrontation and conflicts between the children and their parents.  Parents see the manifestations of lives through their understanding and force children to obey the same without much bothering what the children want. This ideological difference creates the gap between the two generations. The root-cause of this gap lacking of understanding on both sides creates a strain and practically sometimes destroys the sweet relationship between the parents and the children.

We must appreciate the extraordinary ability of the children. They pass through endless energy, which is incomparable to that of their parents.  Children find their parents tired, serious, in a mode of combat and not that interested to hear the logical notions of their thoughts.  Parents do not find any reason to accept their children’s freedom and they predict that their children are wrong. The adults will be always plagued with their anxieties, tensions, and fears for children’s success in their education, proper upbringing, profession and sustainability.  Parents are always perplexed with the above syndrome and the gap with their children widens.  In order to reduce the unnecessary tensions, parents want to exercise control over the children’s tireless activities and want to put restrictions.  The remedial solution in this type of social problem is not to stifle children’s activities, but closely observe their whereabouts and to provide a correct and ideal direction and suggestion to carry forward those activities.  So, parents must learn the techniques how to cope with the difficulties of children and they must impart the knowledge of higher values of life.  Parents also must practice these values. With the knowledge of these higher values, parents can educate the children and help them to flow their energy and streamline the same in a right direction.  By admonishing, scolding or by rebuking, the relationship will be stale.  Contrarily, the parents must provide the value education rather than giving only sermons, which children do not like at all.  Why some parents fail to keep a good relationship with their children?  Because the parents fail to comply with various norms of ideal living, but try to pester their lip services to them how to lead an effective life.  Children do not like this hypocrisy.  Instead of showing reverence, they develop hatred. So, to set right relationship, the parents must lead a balanced and ideal life, which they expect their children to follow.  For example, if you are an alcoholic and consume the same in front of your children or your children are aware of this behavior, you cannot expect your children not to indulge in the said activity once they become adult.  Parents are the best and living examples for their children.  So, they must set their own standards first, which they want their children to follow.  In that case, there will be very less conflicts, and there will be a loving relationship between the two generations.  Ultimately, the gap will be also reduced, if not gets eliminated. In short, parents must know how to behave with their children in a right manner to create a peaceful environment in house.

A true leader is who leads from the front

Most of the leaders are the leaders for the namesake, because when the time comes to shoulder the responsibilities of a critical nature, they shy away.  Giving various excuses, they sneak away, when in reality, at that particular time, their leadership roles were very much needed. If you are ready to own responsibilities and act to lead your team, the same is the benchmark of a prolific, trustworthy and a conscious leader. People may be wise, knowledgeable,  qualified, well behaved and fond of mixing with people and despite all these qualities; they are not spontaneous to give effective leadership to their communities. The reason lies that they are afraid of failures to discharge the said responsibilities.  The leaders can only provoke and enthuse you to take corrective steps to achieve success in various spheres of your life. All the persons whom you get in touch in your younger days, are your leaders.  They may be your parents or teachers or even your friends.  You follow them, emulate them and contemplate to do something big in life.  Apart from these leaders, who are at your disposal, some of the younger people copy various celebrities from different professions. That is not a bad idea, but that leadership role is on the basis of presumption and it has no personal touch.  Why people don’t like to lead?  The reason is that success requires risk-taking, maintaining moral and ideal values and  taking drastic actions  to pursue all types of innovative thinking, which are mostly outside the box.  All these values will be quashed, if leadership is subdued and not averse to taking calculative risks.  For taking a role of an effective leader, you don’t have to trumpet your bugle, you have only to show your desire and power to protect your people, extend your help when they are in danger and show the right direction, so that they are able to cross any impediments making obstacles to them.  Being responsible means, one is strong enough and have courage to take initiatives, love to take decisions with all maturities, but not on the basis of reckless ideas, have enough integrity and living up to your inner values.  From the spiritual point of view, the real leader must show his spirits to guide his group on the path of higher consciousness.

You cannot become a leader suddenly.  It is true that without some distinct qualities, one cannot be an effective leader.  But at the same time, you have to hone your qualities and practice to follow the various steps by which, you show your agility, capabilities, knowledge, dedication and willingness to share the burden of very many responsibilities and then only, you will be considered to impart the highest values of your vision of leadership. A leader must possess many traits and also has to acquire additional credentials to prove his effectiveness. Chronologically, they are------

a)      His actions must have a proper meaning and they must be the beneficiary of many.

b)      He should preach the things, which he does. If he fails to do so, he is not a true leader.

c)      Instead of applying cunnings, he must delegate the  things, which can be discharged by others at ease.  In this process, he should not shirk away his responsibilities.

d)     He should not keep henchmen to get the dirty jobs on behalf of him.

e)      His  protégées must depend on him, so that during bad phase, they can get his guidance.

f)       To treat all people on the same platform. To a leader, there should not be any nepotism and fervor for a person of particular classes and section.

g)      A true leader believes completely in integrity. He does not like to deal in with any things unscrupulously.

                                                                         2

He wants to keep his record upright with respect to financial transactions. If you follow the principles and become successful to prove yourself as a trustworthy person, people will then, become loyal to you and they will be captivated with all your idealism.  Leaders must ascertain one fact that their followers should not be feeling unsecured, because the same creates stresses and from these stresses, problems arise. At the same time, the leaders must be realistic and practical.  We must understand that the leaders are also human beings. Though they may have some extraordinary qualities, they have to shoulder additional responsibilities, but they have to balance their activities in between their own and society. For example, in any business house, the responsibilities of a business owner should not exaggerate the profits only, but he should show his willingness to ensure that his enterprise or the company must fulfill the social values and causes, namely distributing some of his earnings to the destitute, to see his employees, particularly the less qualified one gets further education and also to contribute for the welfare of the underprivileged sections of the society.  But today, most of the business houses and their leaders barring a few are more focused to increase their net worth.  Except to construct a few temples and  give donations for some religious activities, their leadership role is very limited.  They are more busy with their own state of affairs despite the fact that they are the most ideal people to shoulder more responsibilities and take leadership roles.

From an effective leadership point of view, there is  concept of leading from the Soul, which  indicates you take responsibilities more than what people need from you.  As a leader, you must take care of everyone’s personal growth. This particular sense of leadership must begin with your own evolution. In a life, you are guided by your thoughts, emotions, perception, personal relationships, socioeconomic influence, environment, speech and the body. In all these areas, your attitudinal behavior affects the people whom you lead or contemplate to lead.  If you moderate your behavior, your followers will also do the same. To lead from the Soul or influenced by your intrinsic thoughts to lead your people sincerely, your own evolution must be one of the fundamental strong points of your character.  You have to refrain yourself from doing unscrupulous things and create doubts in the minds of your followers just to avoid their criticism. You should avoid any unwanted things so that they undermine you. As a leader, you must cultivate your strength and hone the same as a new opportunity for your growth, so that your followers can emulate the same.  From your continued evolution, you draw your power to lead others without any selfish motto.  As long as you love to carry out this role in an unbiased way and ceaselessly, you will be termed as a real and a true leader.

Asymmetrical equation of power and love

Most of us pass through two fundamental forces of life and these forces always hover our mind and create enormous problems ultimately causing tensions; they are power and love. Neither we can get rid of these two distinct different forces nor we can accept them in toto all the time. But in an environment of changing social needs, we require them, of course, at a varying degree. We are in agonies whether we acknowledge both of them at the same time or shall we tilt to one at the cost of another and vice-versa.  Whatever may be  the decision, we will be identified either as a power follower or a love follower. The most pertinent and the intelligent way to overcome this turbulent affair is to learn to work with each of them.  Instead of ours being guided by them or their stronghold on us, we must deal with power and love as per the merits and demerits of a particular situation. We have to learn and practice how to use and balance both these forces in life for the benefits of self and all the people surrounding us.  If you read the book “Power and Love” by the Swedish author Adam Kahane, you will find an especial emphasis of theory and practice of these two forces and how to use the same in our social context. He elaborates that people who belong to the power-camp believe that compassion and empathy are soft emotions and the same really do not matter for effecting social changes. They are the only hindrance for a full blown growth in the corporate sector.  These compassion and empathy should be limited to home, family and romantic affairs. They are very much helpful to exert influence on the weak, ineffective and soppy side of love. As per him, love-camp side is the complete enemy of power-camp as the later one is  ruthless and the great manipulators. To some extent, it is true, but that does not necessarily interpret that power-camp followers are always dictators. Love without power, and wherever it is prevalent, is not so productive and a result oriented proposition. It is particularly for the people who is not so desiring to achieve something for the fulfillment of any social causes. This desire  is not  from the completion point of view with respect to any social changes. Further, Kahane says that the concept of power and love is completely misunderstood and perhaps misjudged. The common people take these two forces as a certain impediment causing distresses only.

We always observe and criticize whoever is desirous to acquire more power and start dominating each other. It may be relevant even in our family lives. The followers of the power-camp are termed as selfish, people who are interested to exploit others and do not bother about others need and benevolence. We always raise our voice in support of exercising power in an ethical way. We opine that it must be exercised with all decorum possible. We, the power-campers like to subjugate others, make them subservient and demand their accountabilities. We prefer to exercise the power on others, but not for ourselves.  We are unable to see the dark side of this practice.  Contrarily, we enjoy this phenomenon.  But in reality, it is a fatal projection of behavior showing power, which is detrimental to the growth of a democratic society.  Further, it evolves the effervescence of autocratic ways of expression and scatters the thoughts through which, one can understand the importance of showing power.  Most of the time, this syndrome of showing power is for irrelevant issues and purposes.  It also makes the situations stressful and full of hullabaloo.

: 2 :

In a situation which is less stressed, we must use both power and love. For that our motto must be to make the environment stress free. Practically, it may not be possible, but if the power-camp types use their power in a less rustic way and  transfuse  love simultaneously, the outcome will be far more pleasant. But under the involvement of various constraints causing stresses and by the influence of our old habits, we are unable to handle both power and love. It is seen that power-camp people prefer to remain in their comfort zone depriving and snatching others idyllic and ultimately, becoming more dominating, more ruthless and more chastising for no good a reason. These people act without any thinking.  Against this scenario, the people belong, to love-camp surrender to the opposite groups  and in the process, become more sentimental, more emotional, and more illogical and ultimately, termed as inactive, timid and subdued.

In the stressful situations, most of the decisions which are taken cause irreconcilable damages.  When decisions of utmost important nature are taken recklessly, consequential damages are irreversible. It is not an easy choice whether to choose power or love because preferential treatment won’t work and will not provide any clue for a better judgement and the solution of any problem. Both these traits are somewhat enigmatic, which constitute an over emphasizing obfuscation that must be reconciled on a regular basis being mixed with creative exposure. Without this balancing technique, one cannot handle the both distinctly different fundamental forces of power and love.  How you can become a somewhat expert in this balancing technique? The simple answer as per Kahane is that you have to intentionally use both power and love; love and power.  Metaphorically, it is like you're walking with your left foot first and then placing the right foot on a continuous basis to make yourself balanced in your regular walking.

Some people are of the opinion that in a demographic pattern of society, love-camp types must be a real architect of any development process and then only progress of any work will be sped up when this love is balanced with power occasionally. One has to understand that both power and love delineate the fundamental needs of social changes. If we opt for more power, the same will be more ruthless and will damage the requirement needed for social changes.  At the same time, if we stick only to love, the speed of transformation of the social changes will be very slow.  So, the cluster of both these two forces is very much essential to fill up the space of social changes.  If we want to address our toughest challenges, we must ensure to work with both these drives in tandem. Then only, it will do well for everybody.

Art of giving and make others happy

Some people always believe to give. They want to share their knowledge, suggestion, advice and even money in the form of charity to the people who need the same. In turn, the giver does not want any favor or benefits in return. They are the people who are altruistic types. After giving whatever they can offer, they share the joy spontaneously with the others. On the contrary, there are some people who also give, but with a wish to get something in return. The percentage of these people are more. Apparently, they show their elation after distribution, but their joyous demeanor is not that glittering because it is colored with selfish thoughts. When you present a gift to your beloved person, have you noticed his immediate expression?  His face gets flashed with a smile, giving you also a pleasure. As per the principle, the more you give; you share your things with others, the more you will become happy. You will be rich in your happiness. Anne Frank rightly says, “No one has ever become poor by giving.”  Most of us are very much concerned with our own motives of benefits. We always seek our own comforts first.  Our nature is self centered and the gatekeeper of our various thoughts is the creator of all our unhappiness.  Many are actually ill, because of their self-centredness.  If you observe with a closer look, you will find that the happiest people in the world are those who most of the time, make them busy to do good for others.  They think so much for other’s well beings that they do not have much of time to think of their own happiness. These people understand the art and philosophy of giving. When someone gets into the habit of thinking for others without expecting anything for his own, he becomes fearless because he is not worried of his needs or his desire for anything. He gets enjoyment to serve others, to give all he can do to others, to extend his services to his neighbors, his friends, his acquaintances.  Since, he gives, he gets. His life returns more to him spiritually, religiously and even materialistically though he does not show any sensual attachment for his comfort. He feels rich and satisfied by only giving.

People often say, “I shall start giving after all my responsibilities are over, after all my debts are repaid and after I accumulate some more money.”  It sounds like a hollow and baseless talk and by saying this, people try to find out excuses to avoid this activity.  The giving something to someone is an art and it must come from your inner self, which should never be influenced by any outward environment or it cannot be a subjective condition. The bible says, “Give, and it shall be given unto you.”  Nothing can change this eternal fact.  We have to plant first and then reap the benefit of a good harvest.  Unless you plan for a good planting, you cannot expect a rich harvest.  Whenever you give, you should give it wholeheartedly and with the purity of your mind. You should not bother about your  own consequence. God is there; He is watching your activities and He will provide all the necessities for you as and when you require the same. By His help, you will definitely accrue benefits for your sacrifice and charities  in one or the other form. You have to wait and have faith in yourself and in God to get the accrual. Ignatius Loyola says, “Teach us…… to give and not count the cost.”  Life is like a current in which prosperity is a flow, happiness is a flow and love is a flow.  As per the law of life, first is given and then it is the time of receiving.  Abundance is what is circulating through our life.  Say, you have a large saving in your bank account, but you are not using it, then you are not enjoying the real benefit of the same except earning an interest.  Logically, you are the custodian of this saving, but you are receiving absolutely nothing from it. Your satisfaction must come from your mental enjoyment, not from your materialistic power or your authoritative power. The mental enjoyment comes from the act of your giving without  you hunch to get something back. Harold Abbott says, “Do something for somebody, somewhere, while jogging along life’s road. Help someone to carry his burden and lighter will grow your load.  Do something for somebody, gladly; it will sweeten your every care.”

Today we live in a world, which is full of unequality. Some people are extraordinarily rich and enjoy their lives with grandeur and mirth without  much bothering about the underprivileged sections. Then there are people who have money. They manage their lives comfortably. They devote their time for charities and philanthropic activities and always take part in various programs to serve who are in distress. Other than these two types, there are people who remain below the line of poverty and depend on the charities and financial help of  wealthy people. Unfortunately, their numbers are more. Now, some of these  financially solvent people extend their cooperation and help to uplift the poor segments and take pleasure in these types of activities. When they talk and become busy with these activities, of benevolence, their countenance expresses how happy they are and at the same time, the people who are benefiting from their charitable deeds; they smile and bless them from their heart. The blessings of so many people when showered on them, they become joyous. In fact, they achieve their purpose of giving as they are the true believers of  the “art of giving.”